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We all have a Negative Nelly—the mean, smack-talking babe who loves to crush your big ideas and your moxie. She is your inner critic. She tells you that “you should be successful by now”. She tells you that “you are a loser”.   She belittles your abilities and even criticizes your best work!

But is she really a foe?  

You gave birth' to this annoying, judgmental part of your personality as a young child because you needed an internal guardian. The critic actually began as a defense mechanism. It shielded you from physical harm and social disapproval by convincing you that you were not powerful enough to do certain things. In the guise of protection, your guardian kept you from fully experiencing life until you were big enough and strong enough to confront new challenges.

For example, when you were a toddler and wanted to stand on a wobbly stool to steal a treat from the cookie jar on a shelf, your guardian warned, "Don't try it. Remember, you're not big enough." This protector kept you from hurting yourself and from getting into trouble.

As time went on, your guardian's message was magnified from, "You are not strong or powerful enough" to "You are not good enough." Your critic eventually became part of your base identity. This protector-turned-critic is still afraid that you are not powerful or deserving enough to have everything you want. In a lot of ways, your faithful childhood servant has assumed the job of master controller.

       Your guardian is an avid cheerleader for the status quo, even when your present circumstances feel unpleasant and it is clear that change would be to your advantage. Your guardian reinforces your misperceptions that you are incapable. This distortion allows your protector to function in its familiar way. It gets to feel in control of your life. Your guardian's resistance to change can even cause you to push away the very things you desire.

The good news is since you personally created the early version of Negative Nelly (the guardian), you can manage her current chattering censor. You believed what you were told about yourself and your abilities when you were a child. Now you are an adult with choices. Negative Nelly can only be unduly influential when you are unaware of her persistent and wily ways. You can assign a new job description to this loyal servant. (It has been laboring nonstop for most of your life.) 

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Thoughtful Tuesday

December 16, 2013

“Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I will' philosophy.”     ~Denis Waitley

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Clean Out Your Head Trash

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Isn’t it Time You Attracted More Abundance?

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A strong mind always hopes, and has always cause to hope. – Thomas Carlyle It is nearly impossible to attract more abundance if you do not feel at least a little bit hopeful.  When you are overcome with feelings of despair, fear, or anxiety relating to money, it may seem impossible to generate a feeling of hope. […]

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Assumptions are the Termites of Relationships

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The title of this post, Assumptions are the termites of relationships, is from a quote by Henry Winkler.    When someone informs you that their wife just passed away, you may respond with “I am very sorry.  You must be going through a trying time”.  But what if their reply is “No. I am quite relieved. […]

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